


Mercy

by TaMeaut



Category: Sungkyunkwan Scandal
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-02
Updated: 2011-11-02
Packaged: 2017-10-25 15:20:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/271796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaMeaut/pseuds/TaMeaut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yong Ha goes back for his fan. (fic-reply to Solanyxe´s "Assumptions")</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mercy

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Assumptions](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/5195) by Solanyxe. 



**Title** : Mercy  
 **Series** : Sungkyunkwan Scandal  
 **Soundtrack** : Mercy – I am X  
 **Spoilers** : -  
 **Summary** : Yong Ha goes back for his fan  
 **Excerpt** : “ _drowning his pain in the deepest recess of his soul he composed himself as only Yong Ha could do_ ”  
 **Pairings** : Goo Yong Ha/Moon Jae Shin, mention of unrequited Moon Jae Shin/Kim Yoon Hee  
 **Word count** : ~700  
 **Rating** : R (thesis)  
 **Warning** : Deep, deep angst  
 **Other** : Reply to Solanyxe's “Assumptions”, from Yong Ha's point of view  
 **Thanks** : Solanyxe who with her amazing fanfiction made me write mine better.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“ _Mercy - are you everything which put the sex into bitch, just faking, do you fake it?_ ”

 

When Yong Ha was swallowed up by the darkness of the forest around him he leant on the closest tree and unceremoniously emptied the content of his stomach on the ground.  
He couldn’t keep it in any longer, the brutal truth made his guts twist in sadistic pain. His hand grasped the tree until his nails broke into the bark with a crunch.  
The palpitating motion would have brought tears to his eyes if they had not been there to begin with.

"It is Kim Yoon Shik's..."

 

 _Body_

Yong Ha felt ice and fire alternating in his veins and his tears were burning tracks on his cheeks. He could feel all the sore bruises from their lovemaking, outside and inside, taunting him. Yes, for a short while Yong Ha had completely forgotten. His heart overflowing he had not hesitated for a second to give all of himself in a last desperate hope that Jae Shin would finally see, really see Yong Ha. After all, the heated way he had kissed him and the look in his eyes had brought foolish hope to Yong Ha's heart.

but..

He didn’t see me at all, did he?

Again he folded over as another violent attack of nausea came over him but there would come nothing more than half suffocated coughs. The motion induced a flash of pain to coarse through him causing a small trickle to travel along his leg.

"Give it back..."

Jae Shin's eyes in this moment were forever burnt into Yong Ha's retina as Yoon Shik's face must have been burnt into Jae Shin's when he was unfurling himself into Yong Ha.

Slumping against the tree when his legs couldn’t carry him anymore he realised he was shaking badly.

"It is Kim Yoon Shik's..."

 

 _Mind_

Defiled...  
The beauty of what Yong Ha had just given Jae Shin was forever defiled by that sentence. A painful sob broke free from his throat.

I did it to myself, he thought. I was the one offering when I knew. Yes, it is all my own fault...but still it hurts. It hurts. Yong Ha sobbed.

He curled up his legs against his body and wrapped his arms against them in a feeble attempt to stop the shakes, but it did little good.  
Even if it had been his first time he felt like all his innocence had been swallowed up by Jae Shin's simple declaration. Is there anymore ways to hurt, he casually thought as he remembered the sharp pain of Jae Shin entering him. Didn’t he realise? Didn’t he see? Didn’t he feel it?

Silent sobs wrecked him once again.

But no, Jae Shin must not have seen that Yong Ha's gift was one he would only have given in love. Yes, he must have thought...

Whore...

The word made him widen his eyes in horror and he let out a painful gasp in perfect understanding.  
What other word was there? Or at least HE must have thought....

Whore...

I am Gu Yong Ha... whore...  
I am Gu Yong Ha...He kept repeating it like a mantra as if it would remove the pain.  
I am Gu Yong Ha...

“Gu Yong Ha”, his name echoed softly in the distance but it did not matter to him. Until he recognised the voice.

He flew up trying desperately to correct his clothing and wipe his face with the sleeve. Jae Shin had come back for him. His heart made a leap of joy. Was it true? Had he really come back?

Maybe...

“Gu Yong Ha”, the voice was closer and the velvety softness of it caused Yong Ha to shiver. Taking a deep breath, rearranging his face he stepped out of the darkness trying to make his tear-hoarse voice sound unaffected.

“Hm? Goel Oh? What are you doing here?”

Please, I beg you, hold me and tell me...

Tell me that it meant something to you too.

Tell me I am not a...

Show me mercy...

“Did you find your fan?”

 

 _Soul_

Yong Ha's heart stopped its beating forever, he turned cold as snow. That was all?  
He searched Jae Shin's face for clues but he couldn’t focus anymore. The pain was a huge brick wall stopping him from deciphering Jae Shin's face.

Am I really nothing to you? Is it true that you wouldn’t mind death even if I was there? Do you know me so little that you think I would do this with others? Did you see her face in me? Did you?

Answer me...

Whore...

The word echoed brutally in his head giving him a harsh awakening to the real world. There would be no mercy for him so drowning his pain in the deepest recess of his soul he composed himself as only Yong Ha could do and brushed the question away with a fake smile.

“Ah, the fan? I think I left it at the camp after all.” Still smiling at Jae Shin he placed his arm over his shoulder. The heat from Jae Shin was scorching Yong Ha where he touched but he didn't dare let go lest he would crumble.

The heat was his lifeline.

Please, let me keep together until we get back, he begged inside his mind.

Sighing, he patted Jae Shin’s chest with the other hand.  
“Should we go now?” and clinging to Jae Shin , Yong Ha made the largest effort of his life to not break down sobbing.

 _  
_

_Body_

 _Mind_

 _Soul_

Are there any more ways to feel pain?

 _Mercy_


End file.
